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I felt her stiffen and was in a sudden panic that I'd frightened her."Elizabeth..." She looked up at me, reaching up to touch my lips with a finger. Her nails were tiny, smooth and trimmed short like a child's. She seemed so vulnerable tonight compared with her usual contained and well-organised personality that kept me at a distance. But tonight I was in charge and she was the one in need of comfort and reassurance. I took a risk."I love you." She didn't seem surprised. Indeed, she hardly seemed to hear but just continued looking at me. And then she smiled slightly and slid her hand up from my lips until she could grab my hair. Then with surprising strength she pulled me down, twisting up so that her mouth met mine. That first kiss was long and asexual. An affirmation of our love for each other. I didn't doubt that she loved me, and I didn't need to ask. Then I was conscious of her fingers twisting the hair on my chest and even more conscious of the swell of her breast beside my. For a couple of weeks after I wandered around the ship shuffling like azombie, I had no place to go, nothing to do, and all the rest of my lifeto do it, but I would be doing it alone.Then one day things changed.I was going through the shopping center (I know, why does a mining shipeven HAVE a shopping center? I guess when the crew was expected to beaway from home for five or more years at a time, it makes sense to bringas many of the comforts of home with you as you can.), when I foundmyself fingering the material of a pretty dress.And the idea came into my head to put it on.For a while, I felt like two people arguing over this, with one saying"Are you nuts? You want to wear girl's clothes? And you'll lookridiculous!" and the other side saying "What's the harm. Its not likeanybody will see us, or know about it."Finally, I went to a change room, got out of my clothes, and put on thedress. Realizing I needed some approximation of a woman's shape, Istepped back out, and got a bra and.
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